We had hoped to make today a day of celebration. Redeem the day by
celebrating that Eddie is still alive and doing remarkably better than what the
doctors had originally thought. Celebrate the amazing people near and far who
have loved and supported us. But today has turned out to be an ordinary Sunday.
I’m propped up in bed with pillows and my sweet dog Peanut curled in by my
side. Bekah is in her room relaxing. And Eddie is doing one of his favorite
things...watching football. A blessed and ordinary day that I will take all day
every day!
I don’t understand why Eddie has cancer. Some days the life saving
treatment he’s receiving causes him discomfort and there’s no glamorizing it.
Quite frankly, it just sucks. Planning financially for the worst is smart but
depressing. I hate seeing the pain all of this has caused my young daughter.
Every day others receive the same phone call that sends their life into a
tailspin. There is so much sadness in life that I will never understand.
In Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, Anne
Lamott writes, “The opposite of faith is not doubt; but certainty”. There is
tension in faith. Part of the struggle that keeps us away from faith that God
is good and loving is that he has the power to prevent bad things from
happening and yet they still happen. A very understandable struggle that I
relate to.
But this is what I’m
certain of. When we hurt, God hurts too and when we call out to him, he never
leaves us. Psalms 145:18 What I
know without doubt is that God is good. He is so loving that he sent his only
son Jesus to die a horrific death for us so that even though our sin separates
us from him, we are made right with him and because of Jesus’ death we can
spend eternity in heaven where there will be no more sickness, suffering or
pain. Revelation 21:4 This truth
not only gives me hope for the future but reminds me of his amazing love for me
every day.
One of my favorite
authors, Brene' Brown describes the faith struggle well. “As a lover of all
things certain, I wanted faith to work like an epidural; to numb the pain of
vulnerability. As it turned out, my faith ended up being more like a midwife –
a nurturing partner who leans into the discomfort with me and whispers “push”
and “breathe". Faith didn’t make my life less vulnerable or comfortable, it
simply offered to travel with me through the uncertainty.”
We don’t know what this
next year will bring for our family and the uncertainty can be scary. What
helps us through is holding on to who God is and his love for us when the
pain seems too great to bear. And holding on to who God is and his love for us on
calm and ordinary days. When we walk in the certainty of knowing who God is we
remember that each day He will give us the grace, love and strength we need.
Today and every day has been redeemed!
John 16:33 – I have told you these things
so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be
courageous! I have conquered the world.
