A Heaviness

Update on Eddie – Today Eddie had his first bone infusion and of course made some new friends! He saw fellow cancer fighters having intravenous chemotherapy and feels grateful he has the option of the chemo pill, tarceva, right now. Thankfully our insurance company approved the treatment which Eddie will start taking tonight. Thank you for praying with us for the approval! Eddie is understandably nervous about possible side effects from chemo. Between being in the hospital and recovering at home, Eddie’s been cooped up for weeks on top of being slowed down by the chronic back pain he’s had for months. He is restless and tired of convalescing. Following the stock market, reading, and watching Netflix occupies some of his time. We are praying fervently that Eddie has no side effects from the chemo and that he will be restored to full strength and mobility very soon!

Depression and I have had an on-again, off-again relationship for the better part of my life and I usually recognize when it starts flirting with me. DNA, my thoughts, how I filter experiences, and fluctuating hormones seem to be the biggest contributing factors for me. What has helped me manage my depression is medication, counseling, and being careful about what I eat. Depression and helps are unique to each person who suffers with it and I am grateful for what has helped me because for so many who seek help depression continues to be a prison of hopelessness that seems impossible to escape. With all that’s unfolded in our lives over just 3 ½ weeks it’s not surprising that I’m feeling a bit melancholy. The past few days I’ve felt a heaviness like a weight in my chest that makes routine activities labored. Tuesday afternoon I searched through the Bible for scriptures that would lift my malaise. Nothing really moved or grabbed me. And I felt discouraged. Later that same day I was reminded that reading the Bible isn’t primarily a vehicle to help me feel better about myself or my circumstances. While the promises in God’s word do offer me great hope and encouragement, my focus when reading Scripture needs to be Christ-centered instead of “what’s in it for me”. When I read the Bible from a self-centered position I miss getting to know Jesus more deeply and seeing God’s greatness in the midst of all of life’s circumstances.